


Here's Looking @ You

by fourth_rose



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Epistolary, Humour, M/M, Ministry of Magic, Not Epilogue Compliant, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-28
Updated: 2013-03-28
Packaged: 2017-12-06 19:13:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourth_rose/pseuds/fourth_rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some Muggle inventions aren't all that useless for wizards after all – or so Minister Shacklebolt claims. His Muggleborn employees suspect that the real reason behind his sudden enthusiasm for magi-technical innovation at the Ministry is the fact that he found out about internet porn, but that isn't terribly relevant for the following story…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here's Looking @ You

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the 2008 round of hd_holidays; compliant with full canon minus the epilogue.

**From:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**Cc:** H. Granger  <h.granger@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:02

**Subject:** Question

 

_Ron,_

_Do you have any idea why Draco came home with a black eye last night? I didn't ask him because you know how he gets, but I can't help wondering._

_Harry_

 

**From:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:05

**Subject:** Re: Question

 

_Next time give me a chance to answer before you involve Hermione, all right?_

_Ron  
_

 

 

**From:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:06

**Subject:** Re: Re: Question

 

_Hey, you weren't supposed to see that!_

 

 

**From:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:09

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Question

 

_Then you should have used bcc instead of cc, mate._

 

 

**From:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:10

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Question

 

_Damn, I want the old memo system back, I'll never learn how to work this one._

 

 

**From:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:12

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Question

 

_Shacklebolt says paper aeroplanes are so 20 th century. Also, I'm told it makes the Ministry's Muggleborn employees feel better._

 

 

**From:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:17

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Question

 

_I was raised by Muggles, and I hate it. Besides, stop dodging my question. Have you two been fighting again?_

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Cc:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**Bcc:** H. Granger  <h.granger@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:19

**Subject:** FYI

 

_No, we haven't, it was a completely unprovoked attack._

_DM_

 

 

**From:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Cc:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:12

**Subject:** GTFO

 

_Ferret, stop hacking my mail!!!_

_RW  
_

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**Cc:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:24

**Subject:** Re: GTFO

 

_Unspeakable, remember? Besides, if Granger, who allegedly still likes and respects you (I'd suspect Imperius if I didn't know you're way too inept to pull it off), has no qualms  about going through your mailbox, I don't see why I should._

_DM_

 

 

**From:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:27

**Subject:** Re: Re: GTFO

 

_Hermione is NOT reading my mails, so stop messing with my head, or I'll give you another black eye to go with the one you already have._

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Cc:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**Bcc:** H. Granger  <h.granger@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:28

**Subject:** Fw: Re: Re: GTFO

 

_> >Hermione is NOT reading my mails, so_

_> >stop messing with my head, or I'll give_

_> >you another black eye to go with the_

_> >one you already have._

_Harry,_

_Here's the weasel's confession in his own words. Also, please make sure to inform him that his ex does indeed read his mail._

_Love,_

_D._

 

 

**From:** H. Granger  <h.granger@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:33

**Subject:** Re: Fw: Re: Re: GTFO

 

_Draco,_

_You weren't supposed to tell Ron about that!!!_

_Hermione_

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** H. Granger  <h.granger@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:37

**Subject:** Re: Re: Fw: Re: Re: GTFO

 

_Whoops._

_DM_

 

 

**From:** H. Granger  <h.granger@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>, Ronald Bilius Weasley <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**Bcc:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:37

**Subject:** Re: Fw: Re: Re: GTFO

 

_Boys,_

_Stop this at once. Harry, Draco is a grown man, he can take care of himself. Ron, arguments between Ministry employees aren't supposed to be resolved with one's fists, and besides, it's a very bad idea to hit an Unspeakable. (And before you complain about me reading your mail, you know that I have the security clearance to check all unclassified inter-departmental messages.)_

_Love,_

_Hermione_

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:42

**Subject:** Yesterday's little incident

 

_Harry,_

_You'd better take your weasel to the vet, he's probably got rabies. Also, what do you mean, 'how I get'? You could have just asked me._

_Draco_

 

 

**From:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:50

**Subject:** Re: Yesterday's little incident

 

_Draco,_

_IIRC, I had my mouth full at the time._

_Harry_

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:52

**Subject:** Re: Re: Yesterday's little incident

 

_Innuendo at the office? You must be really desperate to avoid answering my question._

 

 

**From:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 08:55

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Yesterday's little incident

 

_Can we just forget I ever said anything?_

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:02

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Yesterday's little incident

 

_What, just when I've finally got you to talk dirty to me through the Ministry network? I don't think so._

 

 

**From:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:06

**Subject:** This conversation ends here

 

_You do remember those Filtering Charms Shacklebolt mentioned, yes? Please stop flirting with disaster, I really don't want to explain to the boss why an inter-dep mail I got set off the obscenity alarm. Also, Hermione might decide to hack into THIS conversation any moment now._

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:09

**Subject:** Re: This conversation ends here

 

_No she won't._

_…you know, that subject line is somewhat ironic._

 

 

**From:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:14

**Subject:** *beep*

 

_You're sure? About her not following this exchange from her office, I mean._

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:16

**Subject:** Re: *beep*

 

_Perfectly sure. The reason being, she just walked into MY office and is now reading over my shoulder. Please don't forget to mention a few sordid details in your reply, that woman has a most peculiar interest in m_

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:18

**Subject:** Re: *beep*

_Sorry about that, I hit the 'send' button too early on account of having been cuffed over the head by my esteemed co-worker. I must remember to ask the weasel if she already had this spanking kink when they were together._

**From:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09: 24

**Subject:** Re: Re: *beep*

 

_You really want that second black eye he offered you, don't you?_

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:28

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: *beep*

 

_We'll see about that. Btw, I take it from your lack of freaking out that you don't really have a problem with Granger reading our intimate correspondence? Hmmm…_

_Also, what kind of inane subject line is "beep"?_

**From:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:31

**Subject:** WHATEVER

_I doubt she's really all that interested in your dirty little messages._

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Bcc:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:37

**Subject:** Interesting

_Oh, you'd be surprised. She was all over the mail you sent me on Friday – you know, the one about that new Tickling Charm you were dying to try out on me once you had me out of my clothes and on the bed with my hands tied to the headboard with our old school scarves._

**From:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:38

**Subject:** MY EYES!!!

 

_FERRET, I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS IF HARRY DOESN'T GET TO YOU FIRST!!!  
_

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Ronald Bilius Weasley  <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:41

**Subject:** La vengeance est un plat qui se mange froid

_I hope for your sake that you can find a good translation charm, because I doubt that you know any French._

_Oh, and given Granger's expression right now there's obviously more than one kind of French you don't know. Hardly surprising that she left you._

_DM_

 

 

**From:** H. Granger  <h.granger@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>, Potter, Harry <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>, Ronald Bilius Weasley <r.weasley@dmgs.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:46

**Subject:** Show's over

 

_All right, everyone, this has been fun, but I think it's time we all got some work done at last. Ron, I'll be over at your office for my coffee break, please try not to hit anyone in the meantime._

_Love,_

_Hermione_

 

 

**From:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:48

**Subject:** Lunch?

 

_Have lunch with me in the cafeteria at half one? I promise I won't ask about the eye if you really don't want to talk about it._

_Harry_

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:51

**Subject:** Re: Lunch?

 

_Fine._

**From:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:52

**Subject:** Re: Re: Lunch?

_Love you,_

_Harry_

 

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:56

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Lunch?

 

_Don't get soppy now, please, I hate it when Granger goes "awwwww" on me._

 

**From:** Malfoy, D.  <d.malfoy@dmyst.mom.co.uk>

**To:** Potter, Harry  <h.potter@dmle.mom.co.uk>

**Sent:** 12-02-2008, 09:58

**Subject:** [Encrypted – please cast personal identification spell to access body of message]

_Same here,_

_D._


End file.
